The Fallacy of Second Chance

I gave myself a wink as I looked at the mirror while combing my black, short-trimmed hair. I was getting ready for my date with Elise. I made sure I look good with my plane pink long sleeves tucked in my black, leather-belted pants with a pair of shiny, black, pointed shoes since I'd be going with her who was very fine and fair. We'd been together for four years now and we still were working exquisitely. I looked at my watch and it's almost 7 o'clock in the evening. I quickly went in my silver grey Ranger and drove to Delizioso, an Italian restaurant where we always dine out, where she was waiting. I called her to check if she's alright.

"I'm sorry I'll be late again. Are you okay right there?"

"its alright and I'm okay".

"just wait for me a little bit".

"okay. Just take care. I'll be waiting for you. I love you".

"I love you more".

I hanged up the phone while waiting for the green light on the intersection. As I shifted to first gear, a cargo truck on the other side crossed in red light with extreme speed. I couldn't maneuver and didn't have any way to evade our collision.

It was Sunday last year when we had our third anniversary same place, same time. Again, she was there waiting, mad. She still looked gorgeous, as ever, when I saw her at the glass window sitting on our fave part of the resto, in the corner just below the warm led light, while I passed with a bouquet of pink, scented roses. She was so angry with me that our supposed-to-be-merry evening turned out to be a sad, UFC championship night. She didn't communicate with me for weeks. I guess it's always part of a relationship-----all day quarrel. It's never a big deal for us anyway. We also thought that an easy relationship, with no ups and downs, is boring. But I don't want her to get mad at me again. I don't want to lose contact with her ever.

I heard a monotonic sound. Static. And it was dark. Then I saw a closed door which I knew that beyond it is a lighted room because the rays could be seen from the sides. As I opened it, the light blinded me for a moment and I found a huge white room. Boundless, I could say. And a man whose body was so bright I couldn't stare and see his face.

"where am I? Who are you? Am I dead?" I asked the man.

"YES, YOUR BODY IS. BUT YOUR SOUL IS NOT", he answered with his very soothing, deep, loud voice. I remembered what happened and connected all the dots. It was easy for me to understand what the man was saying but I couldn't accept it because I knew that Elise was waiting for me at the restaurant, mad and hungry.

"Is this heaven or hell?"

"NEITHER. THIS IS THE PLACE OF THE UNREST; FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO GO BACK AND I KNOW YOU DO".

"Is there a way? Can I?

"YES. BUT GOING BACK COSTS SOMETHING AND TAKES A LOT OF COURAGE TO FACE EVERYTHING WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT."

I was puzzled but I didn't care at all ---- the risks, everything. All I care about is to be with her again. The man asked me to close my eyes whenever I was ready. As I opened them, I found myself alone in a small room full of scattered cans of paint and canvases, and several bottles of beer with sweat all over me. The room was hot. I heard the screeching of tires, loud horns, and I saw buildings, busy people on the street, as I looked outside the seemed-to-be abandoned apartment. I was in the city which was kilometers away from Elise's place. I went to the dirty bathroom to clean my self up. I saw a tall man with broad shoulders, detailed chest and abs, long, curly hair, unshaven beard, and a dirty pair of pants, when I looked at the mirror. I was stunned. I couldn't believe it. The man behind the mirror was not me, physically.

"how can I be able to tell Elise that this is me?" I mumbled to myself perplexed on how to introduce this dirty, poor painter to the woman of my life. This man is not me, totally. I panicked and rushed to her place. The place had changed a bit. The mango tree beside her house is no longer there but a half basketball court. Hesitatingly, I pushed the doorbell. A not familiar face went out of the door.

"yes? What can I do for you mister?"

"Is Elise here?"

"Elise?"

"yes. Elise Montenegro".

"ahhh. You mean the previous owner of this house? I don't know where she is but I've heard she migrated to Canada with her family last year", the woman replied. I was confused even more. I thought it was just yesterday. "thank you. Sorry but I have this short memory loss, What date is it now?" I asked the woman with that embarrassing question. "Today is October 26, 2015, Monday", she answered with a sarcastic tone as she smiled with ridicule written all over her face. I was dazed of what I had found out. It was already three years ago since that incident. I went back to the apartment to think of ways to contact her. I cried helplessly. But instead, I kept myself up thinking that she must have waited for me ---- as what her last words told me. She always does.

"this is my shot. I have to use the second chance God has given to me".

The man was a very good painter but his assets were near to none. I just needed to raise the bar for this man. He got looks and immense talent in painting. I just needed to use it.

It had been two years since then. I had climbed my way to one of the most respected modern painters of my generation. I succeeded and now all that's left is to accept the invitation to have a dinner with her. She now owns an advertising company based in Canada and she wanted me to sign up with her offer to publish my works in her magazine. She wanted to meet me because of business while I saw it as an opportunity to tell her the truth. I picked Delizioso, in our fave spot, at 7 o'clock, and ordered our fave food, to let her give an impression of my true identity. She seemed to be in a deep thought as she played the white spaghetti with her fork.

"are you okay?"

"yes. It's just so nostalgic. Anyway...". She changed the topic and proceeded to the business offers. My attention was not in the proposals but rather to her lips which I long to kiss. She gave me the contract with a pen on it.

"you may sign it now, Mr. Rodriguez. You really are a great break for our company and you will need us too".

I smiled thinking of how beautiful, serious, witty, and successful she'd become; and how she still amazes me even for not seeing her for five long years.

"you need my sign and I'll consider that a favor".

"okay. I'm getting it. What do you need?"

"I'll sign if you'll look at my almost-done, latest painting. Maybe you could criticize it to be part of your magazine. It's in my house".

"I love your every work, Mr. Rodriguez. I guess there is no need -----"

"----- I refuse". I insisted as I crumpled the contract in front of her and looked her in the eyes, with a very calm voice.

"come in". She slowly opened the door and entered. I could see her eyes widen with her jaw slightly dropped as she saw me painting, topless. I served her a cup of tea and placed ourselves on the table.

"may I see it?"

She saw a restaurant which she recognized to be Delizioso and a woman which was leaning against the glass window, waiting. She was wearing a beautiful pink dress and a pair of glittering pearl earrings.

"the place, the gesture, the dress, everything...it's me. Impossible". Her lips trembled as she spoke with an amount of tears in her eyes ready to drop. It's clear that she was bewildered, totally confused and couldn't believe everything. I thought this would be the right time to tell her the truth.

"El, its me. Richard".

She sat on the chair near the canvass thinking deeply with her tears continuously flowing. "its impossible. How could you know this? Are you stalking me? How could --------". I kissed her on the lips. Electrons on our body. I can feel them rejoicing. It's all chemistry and it's all coming back. It felt like the first time I kissed her. She kissed back. I knew she felt it too. I knew she believed me now. The doubts were just blown away as the wind swept the entire room. I couldn't explain the feeling I felt or even paint it on the canvass. It's just so out of this world which could only be understood by two souls and a heart we both shared.

"you've always been waiting for me. And now I'm here. We can start all over again. Forget Emanuel Rodriguez. It's me, Richard. The man who loves you with no boundaries".

"I've waited for you. Y-y-o-ou d-died. H-he-he ha-hap-happened." She sobbed so hard she hardly caught her breath.

"he? Who's he?

"rich, I'm already married. It's been five long years. Do you know how it feels to not being with you? I've died everyday for four years, Richard. What do you want me to do? You can't expect me to wait forever for nothing. You died". She wept. My heart was like being soaked with acid, warm and numb. The torment of her words was excruciating my entire body, knees trembled, hands were shivering. I don't want to move. I just want to instantly stop breathing as I can feel my heart beat faster. The wind blew hard again that made the canvass fell to the ground. The sky suddenly cried with me. I regretted a lot of things I didn't know where to start. If I just had gone early, I must have not been in an accident. If I just had accepted my death, no, if I just had contacted her earlier. I'd wasted my chance, the only chance I'd got.

"do you still love me?"

"I loved you. I always do. He loves me and I've moved on. I'm married and it's not a contract I can just crumple".

Yes. She is absolutely right. Everything is clear to me now.